At some point in his or her life, a gamer will get drunk and play video games, and it’ll be amazing. Sad? Maybe. Often alone? Possibly. At TNR? Way too often. When you’re basic motor skills aren’t functioning, and your hand-eye coordination is not so coordinated, even the worst games become the best games you’ve ever played. It’s almost always more fun when you’re with friends (on or offline) and aren’t alone drinking and playing, say, Heavy Rain, screaming “JASON!!!” with a glass of red wine and tears, so these will all be multiplayer. Here are my top 5 games to play whilst under the influence, and some drinking games to go along with them.
5. Metal Slug (Series)
Metal Slug is serious business. The beautifully crafted 2-D arcade shooter is usually associated with kids yelling for more coins in an arcade. It’s also one of those side scrolling shooters where if you play with your friend, it’s basically a race for points and the best weapons, and of course, the tanks. The ‘co-operative’ nature is only paper thin because: you know it, they know it, you’re just playing to see who can get the most points and cooler weapons. It’s competitiveness mixed in with a bit of team work that makes for some fun drunken gaming, because we all know drinking makes you more competitive and less co-operative. Combine this with hilarious deaths and cocky main characters and you have a perfect game to get crunk to.
There’s also levels where you’re on moving things like trains, and you will die. Oh you’ll die. In fact after a few vodka’s you’ll struggle making a lot of the jumps in this game, not to mention the often quite hard boss battles where you’re against douche bag gun-toting Duke Nukem wannabes jumping all over the place. I never said these games were going to be easier drunk.
If you have Metal Slug Anthology on the Wii, the lovely folks at The Drunken Moogle have a lovely drinking game for you:
Drinking Game Rules: It’s fairly simple. Set the controls to “nunchuck only” and grab a beer with your open hand. Any time your character dies, take a drink.
4. Worms (Series)
An easy #4, games that involve worms flying exploding super sheep, baseball batting your friends into the ocean, and holy hand grenades, are always going to be enhanced with the power of booze. In fact I’m going to go out on a limb and say any game that involves brawls with friends are even more fun with some alcohol in your system. Things get more passionate, more things go wrong, more and more chants of “rematch!” till you end up physically fighting each other. There’s only one other game that does this better than worms and it is further down this list (DON’T CHEAT KEEP READING YOU IGNORANT SLUT).
Some of the best parts of drunken Worms is just the fact that you can personalize your team of worms with names and voices, and when you are drunk this lollality (real word) is enhanced ten fold. I loved naming worms after inside jokes or stupid people, making certain worms play certain ridiculous ways (like only going for one enemy worm, or limiting it to just a shotgun and ninja rope) and screaming their names out in angst when they died (or just trying to get them to die in the funniest ways). But the greatest thing about drunken Worms? The uncoordinated use of EVERYTHING IN THE GAME. Accidentally throwing a banana bomb into a tiny speck of dirt in front of you so it comes back and destroys your whole team; missing the easiest dragonpunch in the world; and my favourite: swinging around on a ninja rope (hey, that’s us) struggling to get from one ledge to another, until the time runs out and they fling into the air and drown themselves. OH SO MANY LOLS.
Drinking Game Rules: Drink every time you hurt yourself. Skull if you kill yourself. (in the game…)
3. Burnout 2 by Fungus_Dells
We at TNR do not condone drinking and driving; unless it is videogame driving that is. In fact, if it involves a Mario Kart or a Formula-Zero race car, we encourage it! Many a late night of four-player drifting and drafting for me has been fuelled by more things than polygonal petrol (namely beer and vodka). Homing red shells and speed boosts aside though, the most memorable drunken racing experience for me and my mates is definitely the Burnout series.
The destructive nature and utter chaos of the Party Crasher mode especially in Burnout 2 lends itself welcomingly to drunken playing. For those unfamiliar, this particular mode starts you car on a runway heading towards a high-speed collision course at a swarming intersection or bottleneck of cars, buses, trucks and other automobile explosions-in-waiting. Ramps, multipliers and powerups will propel your score and, more spectacularly, your car to greater heights. And when you think all the fire and fury is close to subsiding, a hit of the Crash button explodes your car to further and continue your trail of destruction.
Sure, you could probably complete the courses sober in the way the stages were designed to be played. But if you’re anything like me and my friends, you will prefer to revel in going through ramps backwards or flying down a hill with no traffic just to see how long the seemingly endless slope can take your bouncing scrap of metal. The greatest drunken moment we shared was when our smouldering wreck wedged between a bus and a flatbed truck only for us to hit the always entertaining Crash button and through some glitch, exploded the chasis and launched it spinning furiously like a propeller hundreds of metres straight up into the sky. Then we watched it on replay for 5 minutes, wheezing from laughter.
I must qualify this article with a warning however. Hours of intentional head on crashes may warp your grasp of driving and road rules the next day. If you are a driver, please make sure you snap back to reality before you get behind the wheel or else you’ll eye every bus in oncoming traffic with a sick new perspective.
Drinking Game Rules: Don’t have a drinking game for this one, so uh, make up your own. Main rule is don’t drink and drive unless it’s a video game.
2. Mario Kart Wii
Two racing games in a row? Yeah shut up I’m going by experience okay!? And experience says when you play racing games whilst drinking amazing things can happen. Mario Kart is extremely competitive on any level, no matter which iteration of the game you’re playing. But Mario Kart Wii, for the simple fact that you are physically turning your Wii remote frantically around corners and falling off bouncing mushrooms and not making jumps across chasms, just pushes you to the brink of throwing your remote at whoever you’re playing with. Hard. Mix that with alcohol and what do you get? Some of the most fun you’ll ever have playing a video game.
All of that frustration turns into fun because you feel like you’re actually achieving greatness when you simply complete a track like Rainbow Road. And when you’re with 3 other people who are still falling off of half pipes and yelling “LOL LOOK I’M LOW GRAVITY TONY HAWK” and you’ve finished the race before all your friends (and still coming 5th overall), the gloating power is enormous. Some might say over 9000cc. You thrust in their faces and stand in front of the TV dancing yelling “I’m dancin, I’m dancin, I’m Ted Danson, I’m Ted Danson” (true story) so they can’t see; not that it matters, you’ve won, and 2nd place (6th place) means nothing. Even better if this is after a massive Mario Kart marathon where you guys play every single cup and you’re all exhausted and your vision is blurred and your’e wondering why you just played Mario Kart for 4 hours.
Oh and make sure you set the settings to all power weapons and that ‘balanced’ setting that gives the people coming last a higher chance of getting the better power-ups. There’s nothing like making no effort in winning because your so filled with beer and vodka that your more sober friends start lapping you, to suddenly get 4 magic bullets in a row and pass them all and claim victory / vomit on them.
Just make sure you have a designated driver because you’ll need someone to come in the top 4 to keep playing through the cups, and we all know it won’t be you, you drunken maniac.
Drinking Game Rules: This one is pretty long, and is for the more serious drinker, so READ CAREFULLY!
- Play all four cups.
- Each time you fall off a track, get knocked down, or need to get picked up by the fishing cloud at any time, take a drink.
- The winner of each race, gets to designate 3 drinks (or however many losers there are) and can spread them out however they want. (eg. One guy has to take 3 drinks, or three guys take 1 drink each)
- The person who comes last in a cup has to pour the rest of their drink into a big jug. Repeat with all four cups (into the same jug).
- The person who has the least points over the course of all the cups has to skull/chug the nasty concoction that’s in the jug!
- Have a bucket nearby.
1. Super Smash Bros. (Series)
This was always going to be #1. This game was MADE to get drunk to. It has all the elements of great booze filled gaming: 4-player, button mashing, beating up your friends, Princess Peach, and Pokemon. Beat’em ups are always amazing alcohol fueled games because they’re simple, fast, and reward knocking your friends out of the entire level. What’s better than doing that with the greatest beat’em up of all time, and with, let’s say, Pikachu?
Spamming down+B with pretty much every character to attempt beatdowns and instead vertically flying off the map are always hilarious, and with alcohol involved this happens WAY too often. I remember playing an intense 4 player game on Brawl on the metal gear solid level with 10 stock each, and it was probably the craziest drunken moments of my life. I don’t think I’ve heard so much swearing in all my life. My spamming of meta knight’s tornado and wave dashing around the map wasn’t taken too lightly and eventually a Survivor-esque alliance was placed against me. We were yelling and laughing so loud whenever anyone died that, at one point, one of my neighbours (I live in an apartment) came down to ask if I could be more quiet. Eyes bloodshot, sweat running down my neck as I opened the door, with a Wii remote and nun chuck in my hands, I replied, “sorry, sure.” I walked back to find that I had lost all my stock. I FORGOT TO PAUSE IT.
Oh so much fun. We also played a game on Sudden Death, with 99 lives, low gravity, with just Pokeballs and Hammers turned on. Possibly the most insane thing on a Wii I have, and will ever do. And I definitely recommend you to grab a carton of your favourite beer, some friends, dust off the old Wii (let’s face it, you probably haven’t played it in a while), and get Super Smash Brothers Crunk. I mean, if Donkey Kong and Mario can have a pint after a hard day’s brawl, can’t we all?
Drinking Game Rules: The Super Smashed Brother.
- You die, you drink.
- You suicide, you take 2 drinks.
- You get a double kill, the two people you kill have to take two drinks each.
- You get a triple kill, the three people you kill have to take three drinks each.
- You will be a Super Smashed Brother, very, very fast.